what i learned in 2 years of weight loss coaching
If you checked out my “about” page, you may have noticed that I mentioned that I worked as a weight loss coach for about 2 years. And if you did notice that, it may have you scratching your head. My goal is always to be as transparent as possible, so I don’t want to dance around that fact. You may be asking: Weight loss coaching? But doesn’t intuitive eating and HAES explicitly reject weight loss as a health goal? And isn’t it true that weight loss doesn’t even work long-term? True and true.
Let’s rewind a bit.
I came out of grad school with what I now know to be a very basic understanding of intuitive eating and the rage of a woman who discovered that dieting doesn’t work. What is ironic is that I was so particular when I was job hunting because I didn’t want to focus on weight loss with my clients, searching for a behavior-based coaching model. This was at the veeeeeery beginning of diet companies co-opting the anti-diet/HAES/IE language and when we saw the verbiage shift from “diet” to “lifestyle”. When I interviewed, I specifically remember saying that “we know that dieting doesn’t work” and that was what drew me into the company - it wasn’t a diet and was focused on behaviors and the psychology behind our food choices! My interviewer nodded away, agreeing with everything I was saying and I was elated that it seemed to be such a good match!
When I started, there were so many great things that I loved about the company: being able to explore food choices in more depth with clients, the psychology behind it, focusing on the whole person and supporting clients with sleep, stress management, movement, etc. But I also noticed the hallmarks of diet culture - a calorie goal, good and bad foods (despite proclaiming that they are no good or bad foods!), tips and tricks to delay or ignore hunger, earning calories through exercise, and always going back to the science that a “clinically significant amount of weight loss produces improved health outcomes and reduces chronic disease risk”. It was like they took intuitive eating/HAES and smashed it together with diet culture.
I wanted to be able to support my clients as they worked toward whatever goals they chose; afterall, as a health coach, that is my role in the care process. On the other hand, I found myself working hard to de-emphasize weight loss, instead affirming that their health and worth is not inextricably tied to their weight, celebrating wins in how they were feeling, managing stress, and sleep, helping them connect to their bodies and their natural cues, and zooming out to look at the big picture of health. I spent a pretty significant chunk of time reassuring clients that it’s okay to eat “bad” foods and that more “good” foods aren’t always better, that they didn’t gain 5 pounds of fat overnight, and encouraging them to eat more rather than less.
Over time, living in that in-between space of wanting to support them in their goals, knowing the harm that dieting can cause, while encouraging them to look outside of that narrow view of “health” became more and more draining. It broke my heart to see how much my clients had been conditioned to equate weight to health and worth, how they took it as a personal failing when the scale started to rebound (I just need to work harder!), and how much of their lives they weren’t living because they were so focused on their bodies and what they looked like. I was living way out of alignment with my values and it just couldn’t continue.
With all of that being said, I am grateful for my time as a weight loss coach. Why? It was eye opening to work on that side of things and get a very clear picture of the impacts of diet culture outside of my own personal experience. I saw how something that was created with positive intention was poorly misguided and became something so ugly and hurtful.
Some of the key takeaways from my time as a weight loss coach are:
It’s not your fault that you want to lose weight. We have been programmed by all angles of society to want to lose weight - healthcare, beauty standards…it’s all over the place. If you do want to lose weight, that’s okay. It’s what you’ve been told for your entire life up to this point. I also want to add that we live in a world of extremes, so if an anti-diet/IE/HAES professional has shamed you for wanting to lose weight, I’m so sorry to hear that and that is not okay. It’s scary to think about turning your worldview upside down and that is essentially what we ask you to do when releasing the desire for weight loss. As a coach, it is my goal to hold space for those feelings and help you navigate them (if you want to), but if you aren’t ready to do that, that’s okay, too. You are always welcome to come back if and when you do feel ready.
Weight loss doesn’t work. This was a big one that I saw as a weight loss coach. Most clients who lost weight often plateaued before reaching their ultimate goal or would lose the weight, only to find that it slowly rebounds over time…which is exactly what research shows happens after dieting - most if not all weight is regained by the 5 year mark. Even when going slowly and sustainably with small habits, their biology kicked in and they were slowly pulled back into their body’s happy weight range. More often than not, a client’s weight graph was just a big U shape, or trending that way, by no fault of their own. Now that I can shift my coaching to being 100% intuitive eating/HAES-aligned, I can serve as a better resource and guide to pursue habits and goals that are freeing rather than restricting and actually produce results in how you feel.
Health =/= Weight =/= Worth. It was particularly heartbreaking to read the “why’s” for a client’s journey, only to find that they felt that their value as a mother, father, friend, human….was lower because they were at a higher weight than what society deems acceptable. The moral value put on weight causes people to believe that they are not worthy of love or good things in their life because of their body size. I saw this a lot in women, often mothers, who just wanted to set a good example for their kiddos, not realizing that their dieting and weight loss could have the opposite impact on their little ones. Weight is one teensy, tiny piece of the health puzzle, but we are often told by providers and society at large that it is *the* indicator of health. It’s not. I always wanted to reach through their screen and hug them and tell them that they are so much more than what their body looks like. In my current coaching model, we get to focus on the good stuff - repairing your relationship with food, health, and your body - so that you can refocus that energy on habits that help you feel vibrant, excited, and energized!
You don’t need to look a certain way to get to live your life. Many times, clients would say that once they lose the weight they could [insert life adventure here]. One of the most profound things that I read in Health at Every Size was this idea that we put our lives on hold, chasing a weight loss goal that is likely unattainable and unsustainable anyway. But what if we started taking action now? What if we started living the life we want to live, regardless of what our body looked like? Go on a trip. Date. Taking up kick boxing. Live your life the way you want to and don’t let your belief about what your body should look like hold you back. My top priority as a coach is to support and empower you to shake out the remnants of diet culture and free up the space and energy to consider - what is it that YOU would do if you weren’t worried about food and your body? What adventures are you ready to take off hold and pursue now?
Do I think that the company I worked for was created out of malice or with the goal to trap people in a cycle of frustration and unproductive results? No. Is that what happens anyway? Yes. The good news is that you don’t have to feed into the diet culture machines anymore and if you’re here, that means that you believe it’s possible to break up with diet culture and heal your relationship with food and your body so that you can finally free up the mental space and energy needed to live your life the way YOU want to! I’m so excited to be your partner on this journey and to support and guide you to a life of food and body freedom, no matter what it looks like to you. Let me know your vision! What does that life of freedom mean and look like to you?